why i will never be a neurosurgeon, or psychiatrist, or...

you have been warned. this will not be pretty, as i find myself more things to rant about in this blog than to cheer for.

so. here i am in the middle of med school and not knowing what to do with my life.
seriously.
when all of my friends are excitedly planning about which hospital they want to co-ass in, because this hospital is (allegedly) more high-pressure, because that hospital (allegedly) teaches you good skills more and so on, i am just interested in which hospital is the most laid-back, therefore makes my top choices to co-ass in.

i just don't see the point in honing my clinical skills much more since i don't, and never had, plan to be a practicing physician.
really, i could assure you that overall, i don't have decent math skills. if you really knew me, you would never trust me to count how much medicine you'd have to take for your life-threatening disease.

this world would surely be a better place without having me as a, say, neurosurgeon. based on the C i got in neurology, i'm pretty sure my lecturers agree with me. (for those of you questioning my intellectual capacities of being in med school in the first place, i can assure you that a C is the worst grade i ever got, in ANYTHING. except that D i got in seventh grade on Sundanese language. but whatever.)

the thing is, i don't know what i'm good at.
i'm not able to decide whether i would be good as an internist, or gynecologist, or whatever. and since something you are good at is called your 'talent', then i don't know what my talent is.

i may have posted something like this before but whatever.

and so you ask, well if you can't figure out what specialization of doctors you would be good at, why not be a general practicioner?
well, judging as how i would not be able to correctly measure out your medicine, i am sure the whole practicing thing is out for me.

at one point, i thought being a surgeon would be neat. except a neurosurgeon, of course, because of that C i got. but then i thought about having to go out of the super cool operating room and meet the patient's family and friends and say, "i did this and that but i'm sorry to say that he/she passed away." and watch all of them cry in front of me.

i think i would stab myself in the eye with my scalpel.

so, i decided many more people are more emotionally capable of being a surgeon than i am. and that the reason why i ever thought being a surgeon was neat is because i watch too many medical dramas on TV.

at another point, i thought being a psychiatrist would also be neat. this is because i love reading (and watching) about all those supposedly rare psychological cases that cause people to do crazy things. but then i think of the calm and empathy i have to project towards my patients, even when they may be cheating husbands who killed their kids or something like that, being a psychiatrist suddenly doesn't sound so neat.

so really i do still prefer to be a forensic medical doctor, who's job is to mainly find out how people die. dead people are much more tolerant to whatever mistake you might do to their body, for example living people would very much object to you lifting out their lungs to measure it whereas dead people would not sue you for it.

i can't see why people reject autopsies because they feel it is disrespectful to the dead. i mean, they're dead. they have no more petty problems like having killers roam the streets we live on. and by having autopsies on them we can possibly find those killers, if they happen to be killed by the killers, and put them behind bars where they belong so little kids can happily play safely outside their house.

anyways.
yeah, about the forensic thing. still my dream.
don't know if i'll be good in that either but at least it's better than the previous choices i wrote. plus i read a lot of crime and mystery books and i love them, so that should account for something.

ah, what a turning revelation in my planning for future careers.
this post has earned a new label: med school mellows.

back?

so.. am i back to blogging?
i'm so moody, i have no clue.

so what really made me come back to this sad, old, abandoned blog?

i have been told recently that i need to let out more emotions, so here i am.
and anyone who says this isn't letting out emotions can shut up.
anyways.
this post will be a jumble of things that are not connected to each other.

first up, things i see on the road on a daily basis that i do not understand.
smashing title.

1. when the left side of the road is empty, why do people on motorcycles still calmly ride in the middle of the road? are they ASKING to be crashed by the cars behind them? *grumble grumble*

2. when a couple rides a motorcycle with a little kid squashed in the middle or front, most of the time i see the couple wearing helmets but none on the kid. what's up with that? if they crash, the 'parents' or whatever could walk away without a concussion, but then the kid gets brain damage. sorry, i just don't get it.

3. a car (so it's not all motorcycles) opens up a window and then throws trash out to the road. what, you can afford a car but you can't afford a little trash can in it? or, can't you just collect the trash and wait a bit to dispose properly when you arrive at wherever you're going? imagine if a hundred people do this a day. hello, flood.

4. a couple rides a motorcycle and it's raining. the guy wears a raincoat and the girl doesn't! she's soaking wet! and it's most likely a couple because the girl clings the guy romantically from behind. i'm sorry but i cannot see the romance in this. my boyfriend would never let me walk out in the rain without an umbrella, let alone be soaked on a motorcycle. with HIM driving (or whatever you call it on a motorcycle) nonetheless.

ah. well.
i'm hungry now so toodles!

what friends are for

well, ga kerasa udah 3 tahun kuliah, never thought that things could change a lot in 3 years.
khususnya di departemen pertemanan.

dari awalll banget kuliah, gue punya sekelompok temen deket yang selalu bareng2.
seiring berjalannya waktu sampe akhirnya di tahun ketiga ini, banyak yang berubah di kelompok ini.
ada yang dateng, ada yang pergi, ada yang udah pergi tapi balik lagi, dll.

gue merasa teman2 ini lah yang bakal bertahan, suka ato ga, karna mau ga mau kita bakalan satu profesi. kita akan terikat dengan pekerjaan yang sama sampai tua nanti. kita akan saling membutuhkan pendapat yang lain kalo ketemu kasus yang butuh second opinion.
jadi, gue jaga hubungan baik sebisa mungkin. i always try to be nice.

but then, pelan2, muncul sifat asli masing2.
ada yang berubah jd lebih baik, ada yang stagnan sifatnya begitu2 aja.

belakangan ini, pelan-pelan kebersamaan dlm kelompok ini jadi berubah dibanding tahun2 pertama kuliah..
banyak yang sibuk sama kegiatan masing2 yang udah beda2,
ada yang konflik sama temen dlm kelompok ini juga,
ada yang baru gabung,
ada yang pisah,
dll.

but personally, i don't think that it's a bad thing.
justru waktu yang udah lewat ini, dengan berbagai persoalan yang ada, nunjukkin mana yang bener2 teman dan mana yang, well, temen juga sih judulnya, tapi ikatan emosionalnya ga seberapa dalam.
we were all giggly teenagers when we met, and we've all grown up now, jadi seiring tambah dewasa pasti kepribadian kita juga ikut berubah, yang pengaruh ke hubungan kita sama orang lain, apalagi temen.

jujur, gue merasa masih ada temen2 yang berteman masih sama aja kayak dulu waktu sekolah, mau udah kuliah 3 tahun juga.
kalo ada konflik, ngajak2 orang lain buat ikut musuhin.
kalo temen punya konflik sama orang lain, ngompor2in temen itu buat makin musuhan.
kalo ada masalah, kurang bisa milah2 mana yang emang harus diperkarakan dan mana yang harus dilepas aja.
and i'm fed up with that.

apa teman itu cuma orang buat have fun bareng, dan kalo orang itu udah ga bikin fun, ya ga jadi temen?
buat gue, bukan itu artinya.

and so, to avoid all the drama that has happened, i came up with a simple rule for myself.
selama seorang 'teman' ga punya masalah secara pribadi sama gue, i will always stay nice.
i will always help as i can if they need me.
meskipun orang itu musuhan sama temen gue yang lain.
meskipun orang2 bilang temen gue itu bermasalah, bilang gue untuk jauhin dia, dsb.
selama dia ga buat masalah ke gue secara langsung, gue akan berbuat yang sama.
fair-fair-an aja.

if all else fails, yang penting gue tau yang mana yang bener2 temen gue.
and they know who they are.

what friends are for, for me, is an extension of your family.
people who will accept you and help you back up again, how badly you've acted to them or fell.
people who doesn't think of what they can get back by helping you.
people who stand by you but still keeps you in line.
yang lain dari itu, well, they're still called friends.
like in families, it doesn't mean you have to like each and every one of your family members all the time.
sama, walau namanya temen, it doesn't mean you have to like each and every one of them all the time.
liking them most of the time is good enough to be friends for me.

what do friends mean to you?

a lot of junk in the trunk

i haven't written anything in this blog for so long!!
i know, i'm such a lazy bum.
i actually do have a whole lot of things to write, but i'm currently in exams week, so this'll have to wait a couple more days.
i'll see you really really soon! i promise!

the big two-oh

well well well. long time no see, eh?
sorry i neglected this blog for a while, hehe.
i decided to jump back in to blogging.
because these past time when i wasn't blogging, things were crazy.
and i mean, CRAZY.

last semester of med school was hell.
it was probably the lowest point i ever got to in all those years in school.
thankfully, i didn't fail anything although you can't say my grades are satisfying. oh well. haha.

this year, i decided i have to be more serious and study more.
(although i never really tried studying more, but that's not the point)
so far, i only skipped one class (by "accident", haha) and i really did try to concentrate better in my classes.
i somewhat have a short attention span, and to concentrate in something that is not interesting to me, like.. oh, okay, in biochemistry, it is just murder.

so i try, i do.

anyways.
i turned 20 years old just a couple days ago, on September 16th.

i was at Bandung with my parents and the crew of the culinary TV show my dad is currently hosting.
so right at the midnight of my birthday, they were still shooting an episode.

can't say much about leaving the nineteenth year of my life behind.
i think i made a lot of mistakes throughout last year, some i don't think i'd like to remember at all.
some moments were great though.
like the fact that i passed the worst semester i ever had without failing anything, and actually without studying all that much, was pretty cool. (i'm not proud of it though!)

so.
for the twentieth year of my life, i'd like to:

1. study more because to be a forensic medical doctor would not be easy, and i need to know all i can get in school..

2. read more books, not just all japanese manga..

3. still faithfully collect Baby-Sitters Club books..

4. be more considerate of others..

5. get a good toefl score..

andddd.. that's it for now.


on another topic, eventhough i haven't written stuff for a while, i still like to read other people's blogs.
and i noticed that people tend to have a specific purpose of their blog.
like there's fashion blogs, personal blogs, poetry blogs, art blogs, etc.
i have no idea what the purpose of my blog is.
my mind tends to skip a lot from one thing to another, and i have many different kinds of interests.

but..
i realize that i like to write because it's my way to vent.
maybe other people vent in other ways, like dressing up, making art, making poems, and all that.
but i write.
no matter how useless it looks like.

so.
i don't care if you read this or not.
i like to write, whatever nonsense it is.
hey, i'm 20 now, better do what i like while i still got the chance, right? ;)


by the way, as i write this, the next day will be Lebaran.
as tradition goes, i sincerely apologize for every wrong-doing and mistakes i made this past year.
have a great Lebaran everyone! :)

i want my own Bumblebee..

wah wah wah udah lama ya ga ngisi blog..
lagi ngerasa males sih, pengennya baca2 blog orang aja..

anyways, what compelled me to write again adalah, apalagi kalo bukan Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen..

oke, buat yang berkomentar kalo itu film anak kecil soalnya plot utamanya cuman robot jahat ngelawan robot baik trus robot baik yang menang, just shut up. i still like it! :p

i want my own Bumblebee!!

oh, reviewnya, tentu oke.. cuman pangsanya agak ga jelas, berhubung filmnya kan dari kartun, tentang robot2an, pas liburan sekolah -- kesimpulan: pasti banyak anak kecil yang nonton.
menurut gue kok banyak adegan dewasa yang kayaknya blom pantes ditonton anak kecil deh..
paling itu aja sih kurangnya.

fyi, setiap ada adegan mesra2an Shia LeBaouf (or however it's supposed to be spelled) sama Megan Fox, Ichsan bergidik ngeri gara2 gosip kalo Megan Fox itu transgender.

btw, berkaitan dengan topik tersebut, gue ada cerita!
di suatu siang yang terik, gue yang terkuras tenaganya akibat mengerjakan ujian yang susah, sedang duduk lunglai dalam mobil yang melaju pulang.
tiba2 aja, di daerah jalan juanda depok, sekelebat pemandangan di luar jendela kaca mobil gue membuat gue terhenyak..

gue ngeliat ada 2 cowo, ato tepatnya sih dua PRIA karna keliatan kayak om2, boncengan naik motor. dan yang duduk di belakang, memeluk erat si cowo yang bawa motor, trus dagunya tuh di bahunya yang bawa motor. motornya melaju pelan dan mereka ngobrol sambil liat2an dengan tatapan2 super mesra.

gue yakin itu bukan cuma tipuan mata gue doang.
kemesraan itu bener2 keliatan walau gue cuma sepintas liat di jalan.

yea, well, hak pribadi masing2 orang lah ya mo berhubungan sama siapa seperti apa juga, lagian gue juga pernah liat2 cowo2 yang mesra2 gitu di mall2, tapi entah kenapa liat 2 orang di motor itu bikin gue kaget banget!

mungkin karna pulang2 pusing karna ujian, tapi kenapa pemandangannya malah begitu ya.. hm hm..

some of what i listen to

i like like like listening to music.
there's not a lot that i don't like to hear, except maybe dangdut.
i have no idea why, but i just want to barf listening to it. sorry.

anyways, biasanya kan kalo ada satu album gitu paling lo cuman suka beberapa lagu aja, nah ini beberapa album yang bener2 nyaris semua lagunya gue suka.

oke, emang ga penting banget, tapi gue bosen!
pengen aja nulis2 ga jelas!
*rolling around*

so, first one, album Unplugged-nya The Corrs..

song listnya:
Only When I Sleep,
What Can I Do,
Radio,
Toss The Feathers,
Everybody Hurts,
Dreams,
Runaway,
Forgiven Not Forgotten,
At Your Side,
Little Wing,
No Frontiers,
Queen of Hollywood,
Old Town (This Boy Is Cracking Up),
(Lough) Erin Shore,
So Young.

tadinya gue biasa aja sama ni band, tapi pas denger album ini sukaaaa banget.
semuanya easy listening, aransemennya bagus, mereka berempat ngebagi suaranya pas banget, seimbang. yaa begitulah.

okay, so next, Meteora-nya Linkin Park..

song list:
Foreword,
Don't Stay,
Somewhere I Belong,
Lying From You,
Hit The Floor,
Easier To Run,
Faint,
Figure.09,
Breaking The Habit,
From The Inside,
Nobody's Listening,
Session,
Numb.

ah, keren2.. gue inget banget ni album waktu gue SMP. mungkin triak2nya pas sama teenage angst yang lagi gue rasain, hahahaha. masa muda yang indah.. *???*
waktu study tour kelas 3 SMP ke pangandaran, sepanjang jalan gue dengerin ni album bolak-balik.

nah di masa2 album ini keluar, LP konser di jakarta, dan gue nonton.
i had a blast!!
emang nyaris persis kayak cd-nya gitu sih mereka mainnya, tapi gue tetep puas.
sepupu gue yang nonton konsernya bareng agak heran kok gue apal lagu2nya.
hellooo, jakarta-pangandaran bolak-balik dengerin satu albumnya doang ya jelas apal. hahaha.

next favorite gue, The Place You Have Come To Fear The Most-nya Dashboard Confessional..

song list:
The Brilliant Dance,
Screaming Infidelities,
The Best Deceptions,
This Ruined Puzzle,
Saints And Sailors,
The Good Fight,
Standard Lines,
Again I Go Unnoticed,
The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most,
This Bitter Pill.


pas banget gue dengerin album ini, gue lagi kecewa sama seseorang, jadi soundtrack yang pas. hahahaha. kenapa jadi curhat colongan ya?
kalo lagi seneng, dengerin album ini doesn't work at all. it makes you instantly gloomy.
jadi didengerinnya kalo lagi sedih2 aja.
namanya juga emoh *emo-h-tional*.

next, Tchaikovsky..
i've always liked classical music, tapi gue paling suka Tchaikovsky.

um, album ini ada 4 disc, jadi song listnya agak panjang..

Disc 1:
Swan Lake Ballet Suite: Scene, Waltz, Swan Dance, Scene, Czardas;
Symphony No. 6 "Pathetique": Adagio; Allegro non troppo, Allegro con grazia, Allegro Molto Vivace, Finale; Adagio Lamentoso; Andante.

Disc 2:
1812 Overture,
Andante - Allegro Con anima,
Andante Cantabile Con alcuna, licenza, moderato, con anima,
Valse, Allegro Moderato,
Finale; Andante Maestoso - Allegro Vivace.

Disc 3:
The Nutcracker: Overture, March, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, Russian Dance, Arabian Dance, Chinese Dance, Dance of the Flutes, Waltz of the Flowers;
Symphony No. 4 In F Minor: Andante sostenuto, Andantino in modo di canzone, Scherzo: Pizzicato, Finale - Allegro con fuoco.

Disc 4:
Cappricio Italien, Op. 45,
Marche Slave, Op. 31,
Hamlet Overture,
Romeo and Juliet, Fantasy Overture.

haahh.. banyakk.
tapi, gue palinggg suka Marche Slave. kalo mau ujian dengerin itu enak banget.
yang ada, pas jawab soal gue terngiang2 lagu itu doang, pelajaran nguap semua, hahaha.

ok, next.. Parachutes-nya Coldplay..

song list:
Don't Panic,
Shiver,
Spies,
Sparks,
Yellow,
Trouble,
Parachutes,
High Speed,
We Never Change,
Everything's Not Lost.

sebelom albumnya Coldplay yang Viva La Vida keluar, ini album mereka favorite gue.
ga tau kenapa, i'm just so attracted to these songs..
bingung mo ngomentarin apa, hehe. aneh emang.


next.. still the same band, Viva La Vida from Coldplay..

song list:
Life In Technicolor,
Cemeteries of London,
Lost!,
42,
Lovers In Japan/Reign of Love,
Yes (hidden: Chinese Sleep Chant),
Viva La Vida,
Violet Hill,
Strawberry Swing,
Death And All His Friends (hidden: The Escapist).

sukaa.. apalagi pas 42 jadi latarnya opening scenenya C.S.I.. pas banget! kayaknya sebelomnya gue pernah ngepost tentang ini..
oh well.


next, We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things by Jason Mraz..

song list:
Make It Mine,
I'm Yours,
Lucky,
Butterfly,
Live High,
Love for a Child,
Details in the Fabric,
Coyotes,
Only Human,
The Dynamo of Volition,
If It Kills Me,
A Beautiful Mess.

waktu dia main di jakarta di java jazz festival, gue nonton dan gue tambah suka. puas banget nontonnya. meskipun rameee. hfff.

udah ah segitu aja. cape. hehe.
i think it's time that i should study.

oh dear, i fear..

tiba2 aja udah minggu2 ujian!!
what happened?
waktu berlari begitu cepat!

tapi tetep aja, gue ga blajar2! =P
now who's fault is that?

please doctor, cure my laziness!

doctor:
oh dear, i fear..
it's not laziness you suffer from, it's stupidness!

42

Those who are dead are not dead

They’re just living in my head

And since I fell for that spell I am living there as well

Oh..

Time is so short and I’m sure

There must be something more

You thought you might be a ghost

You thought you might be a ghost

You didn’t get to heaven but you made it close

You didn’t get to heaven but you made it close

42 - Coldplay

udah punya lagu ini beberapa lama di iTunes gue, tapi kemaren pas nonton C.S.I. season baru, lagu ini jadi lagu pembukanya gitu.

pas banget sm adegannya, orang2 di bis kayak pada pulang kerja, tampang2nya cape. KEREEEENNNN.

skarang gue lagi ngerjain proposal sama tugas PBL (jadi sekretaris, lagi2, hmmff)..

oke, ga kerasa beban sih, ga pengen ngeluh juga, tapi OH MANNNN..

i'm so stumped!!

bener2 lagi ga terinspirasi buat nulis apa2an, masa bikin tujuan di proposal aja gue bingung mo berkata-kata manis macem apa.

akhirnya nyetel iTunes kenceng2 berharap termotivasi, ujung2nya malah browsing ga jelas.

ahhh.. memang hidup ini.. penuh godaan.

besok masuk jam 7 pagi, skarang jam stengah 10 dan gue belom mandi lho.. *nada bangga yg aneh*

padahal rambut udah lengket begini.. *klarifikasi: bukan karna gue jorok, tadi siang emang panas banget!*

doakan tugas2 gue selesai yaaaa..

*pergi ke pojokan dan nangis merenungi nasib*

lagi2 racauan aneh

hmm.. blog ini sempet ditelantarkan untuk sementara, maaf maaf.
not much to say why; let's just say i hit an uninspiring period of my life.

semester 3 gue udah berakhir, sebenernya dengan kurang memuaskan sih, mehehehe.
i felt like i lost reason of being there and trying.
jadi usaha gue setengah2 gitu.
moga2 sih semester 4 kinerja belajar gue (halah) bisa membaik, amin.

pasti ada lah alesan Allah menetapkan nasib gue di jurusan ini, entah apa alesan itu.
so, i shouldn't be complaining.
i just had a rough semester, and i'm moving forward from it.
hopefully better.
HAS to be better.
i gotta DO better.

sigh.

lagian kalo gue ga di jurusan gue yang skarang, mo masuk apaan lagi gue?
seni: jelas2 ga bakat.
ekonomi: HALAH! ini lebih2 ga bakatnya.
fisip: i avoid any future career that my parents were in.
sastra: hello. i couldn't even learn spanish properly. and people say spanish is supposed to be easy if you can do english!
teknik: i so suck at physics!
fmipa: i'm probably only passably good in biology, i suck at the other sciences.

ya ya, gue tau gue slalu bilang kalo cita2 gue jadi ahli forensik, i just didn't thought that i'd have to be a medical doctor first.
tapi orang2 bilang jadi dokter tu kuncinya rajin baca aja, dan baca cepet dan banyak tu mungkin satu2nya bakat yang gue punya, jadi main pede aja gue masuk kedokteran. (gue tau ini alasan yang aneh)

let me tell you something now.

the journey to become a doctor totally sucks!
no pain, no gain, literally!
apaan tuh kalo orang bilang gengsi masuk kedokteran, itu mah buat nyeneng2in dan nyemangatin diri sendiri biar siksaannya ga begitu kerasa. =D
no wonder some doctors lose their compassion along the way, they must've lost it in their educational years.

anyways.

tetep harus semangat!

ga usah mikirin nanti bisa nyelametin nyawa2 orang, yang penting ga DO juga udah cihui!
God, you must have SOME reason you put me here, this is the (probably) right path for me!

semester 4, i'm coming!

but of course i have to take a break.
i appreciate immensely this short vacation.
i get to sleep in!
you know how i hate waking up so early.
and i get to sit around at home doing nothing!
you know how i love doing that.
(ujung2nya tetep setia pada kemalasan)

here you go

since i know you have a bad case of short term memory, i'll stop reminding you and post it here instead. i know you'll eventually read it here anyways.

so here you go.


1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more loving then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feeling sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely getting mad, i'm so glad i found you.
i love being around you.
you make it easy, as easy as 1 2, (1 2 3 4.)

there's only 1 thing 2 do, 3 words 4 you.
i love you (i love you)
there's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what i'll do.
i love you (i love you)

give me more loving from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had, i'm so glad that i found you.
i love being around you.
you make it easy, as easy as 1 2, (1 2 3 4.)

there's only 1 thing 2 do, 3 words 4 you.
i love you (i love you)
there's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what i'll do.
i love you.

"1234 - plain white t's"


nice words, huh?

two g's, two d's and an a

most excruciating feelings ever:

guilt
when you know you've done something wrong, but can't do anything about it.

grief
when you lose something or someone you love so dearly, but can't do anything about it.

depression
when a big, powerful, black hole eat you up from the insides, but you can't do anything about it.

despair
when you feel your whole world crumble into pieces around you, but you can't do anything about it.

anger
when a fiesty fire burns you from the insides, but you don't know where to escape the excruciating heat.


life works in a very odd and unpredictable mechanism.
no one will truly understand where they're going or what's going to happen, no matter how carefully taken or thoroughly thought or planned our steps in life are.
though many people say that life is unfair, i still do think God is fair. life is fair.

no matter how good a person you try to be, bad things still come and do happen to you.
no matter how bad or evil a person you are, good things also happen to you anyways.
so life is fair. everybody gets the same piece of pie.
what happens is, maybe not everybody likes the flavor of the pie.
maybe some just eat half.
maybe some aren't satisfied enough and take another slice of pie.
maybe some don't eat it at all.
but you still get and deserve that piece of pie, whether you want it or not.
you didn't choose to be born and be alive, did you? but you still got life.

now, my piece of pie feels sour. bitter.
that happens whenever one or more of those two g's, two d's and an a show up.

which one of it is what i encountered with these past few horrible days?
you can take a guess.

not that i would tell the answer. ;)

lousy lazy

i have no idea why am i so.. lazy to write anything lately.
i bring a journal almost everywhere i go (yeah whatever, my secret's out), and i doodle in it a lot, especially in class. (well it's better than sleeping in class. at least i'm listening to the lecture.) but i don't write anything particularly important in it.

i have no idea why my recent posts are in english a lot, i guess i just ramble easier in english.

i have no idea why i can never concentrate enough in my classes..
well i do concentrate, mind you, for a good hour in the beginning. but as classes progress i seem to lose interest.
i can never understand why my campus can schedule classes from 7 to 11.30 am straight without any break.
because i, for one, just can't keep up with it.
i'm not complaining that it makes me tired, i just feel that it's not effective for me who has an incredibly short-attention span.

i have no idea why i can never study even when some freakin important exam is just around the corner.

i have no idea why i can lounge in bed for hours doing nothing.

i have no idea why i can have not-particularly-important conversations and just laugh on ourselves for hours with him.

i have no idea why i can't get myself to thoroughly read all those thick textbooks and slides i have, while i can actually devour dozens of comics or BSC books less than a day.

but i accept all these facts of my lousy laziness, however appalling they seem.
i really do try to change. and it's not like i do all that all freaking 24 hours of my day.
and it's not like i don't do anything else worthwhile.

i watch a lot of movies. and i don't cut class to do so. and i write the reviews too (although obviously some late. whatever.)

i join in my friends for study group sessions, eventhough i sleep through most of it. whatever. i can't help myself. i'm human, i have flaws.


whatever.
i'll go back to sleep now.
hff.

a quiet saturday

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]
I know i misbehave
And you make your mistakes
But we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]
This ain't a movie, no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

[Bridge]
I hang up, you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby you and I


Ordinary People - John Legend


i told you i'd write it down for you.. =)

Lebaran 2008

so Idul Fitri came and went..
met a lot of relatives and else that i haven't met in a while..

but oh some nice surprises!

i (briefly) met my little cousins from my mom's sister..
and oh how they've grown!
gosh they grow so fast.. (i sound old)

this year my family didn't go back to our hometown, as it is custom for Indonesian people to do that on Idul Fitri.
instead, we had a sort of open house and people from our neighborhood just went pouring in.
i didn't recognize more than half of the kids from our neighborhood that came to our house, i don't know whether that's a bad sign or not.

anyways, it was nice to see everybody who came over, and i'm grateful for that.

another nice surprise, around a week ago a childhood friend of mine from Arizona suddenly sent me a message on facebook and we've been messaging back and forth since.
it's great to get back in touch with her and i'm really excited about that.

so overall, it was a nice Lebaran for me, and i hope it was for you too..

again, happy Idul Fitri (although it passed already) and please forgive all my mistakes..


p.s. after this holiday, exams are coming up and frankly i am NOT looking forward to that. (curhat colongan)
i'm trying not to think about it much and just enjoy this holiday as much as possible.
exams = think about it later yod!
holiday = enjoying it while it lasts..
(i'm such a procrastinator)

stagnan

hidup selama liburan bener2 ga berwarna..
Chita masih kerja sampe hari ini, jadi ga ada temen di rumah.
nyokap bokap sibuk dengan proyek baru, jadi sepi di rumah.
pak Untung pulang kampung, jadi ga bisa jalan2.
temen2 pada mudik, jadi ga ada juga yang bisa diajak jalan.
pacar sibuk di rumah, jadi ga bisa ketemu.

haaaahhh..

akhirnya kerjaan gue cuman baca buku2 yang belom sempet dibaca, nginternet ga jelas, main2in applications di facebook, udah.

trus kapan belajar buat ujian muskuloskeletal yang abis lebaran tuh?

ahhhhh ntar aja deh. *procrastinator*

bosen bosen bosennnn..
can someone help me with this boredom?

iseng di tengah malam

The rules are:
- Choose a singer/band/group
- Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group

I choose Michael Buble.

1. Are you male or female?
You Don't Know Me. (hahaha..)

2. Describe yourself.
Summer Wind. =D

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
Feeling Good. (hopefully. =D )

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine. (HAHAHAHA)

5. Describe your current relationship.
Smile. =D

6. Where would you want to be now?
Home. (pas banget kan?)

7. How do you feel about love?
Save The Last Dance For Me.

8. What's your life like?
Moondance.

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow. (PAS banget!!)

10. Say something wise.
The Best is Yet to Come. =)


this was so fun!! =D

music in my life

just another token of boredom..
iseng2 aja ngepost ginian.. pardon me. =)


IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and alot of the songs fit with the setting


Opening Credits:
* the take over, the break's over - fall out boy.
(okayyy.. not bad.)

Waking Up:
* all i have - j.lo
(why do i even have this song in my ipod??)

First Day At School:
* so impossible - dashboard confessional.
(also not bad..)

Falling In Love:
* hate that i love you - ne yo & rihanna.
(oh REALLY..?)

Fight Song:
* never let you go - third eye blind.
(ohhh.. appropriate title.)

Breaking Up:
* hold my hand - new found glory.
(sounds like the opposite, right?)

Prom night:
* bleed it out - linkin park.
(huh???)

Life:
* ternyata cinta - padi.
(HUH??)

Mental Breakdown:
* don't wanna think about you - simple plan.
(oh. appropriate also..)

Driving:
* gaya mahasiswa - orkes PSP.
(gyaHAHAHAHHAA. i don't know how i got this song. so absurd..)

Flashback:
* astagfirullah - opick.
(ASTAGFIRULLAH.. this is clearly not my song, but whatever. ironic answer.)

Getting back together:
* sementara - float.
(oh wow, it actually does fit!)

Wedding:
* the nutcracker suite - tchaikovsky.
(oh WOW WOW WOW!)

Birth of Child:
* hakuna matata - ost. lion king.
(it's our problem free philosophy? HAHAHA..)

Final Battle:
* don't cha - pussy cat dolls.
(okay. WHAT??)

Funeral Song:
* mercy - duffy.
(yeah, plead mercy to God.)

Final Credits:
* sonata for two piano K 448 - mozart.
(nice..)

+++

let's try another one of these..

The Rules Are As Follows
1. You shall put your music player on shuffle.
2. You shall press forward for each question.
3. You shall use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. You shall tag 5 people and rain hell upon humanity.
5. You shall give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.


How are you feeling today?
. best i ever had - vertical horizon.
(no, totally not.)

Will you get far in life?
. on my own (from les miserables).
(sounds so sad..!)

How do your friends see you?
. the ghost of you - my chemical romance.
(okay. that sounds scary..)

What is your best friend's theme song?
. 54 - gorillaz.
(i'll have to decide which friend of mine is appropriate for this..)

What is the story of your life?
. school rumble opening 1.
(what?? is my life THAT hilarious?)

What is high school like?
. i'll find a way - letto.
(i did found a way, i guess. haha.)

How can you get ahead in life?
. menutup mata (score).
(heh? tinggal tutup mata doang? so easy! =D )

What is the best thing about your friends?
. island in the sun - weezer.
(oh, NICE!)

What is in store for this weekend?
. nobody's listening - linkin park.
(duh jangan dong..)

How is your life going?
. time after time - inoj.
(umm.. sort of.)

What song will they play at your funeral?
. the sun ain't gonna shine (anymore) - keane.
(sedih sekaliiii.. T_T )

What do your friends really think of you?
. the four seasons: winter I - vivaldi.
(whoaaaa.. i'm winter, baby! =D )

Do people secretly lust after you?
. this conversation - mocca.
(does this mean yes?)

How can I make myself happy?
. unbreakable - alicia keys.
(huh? gimana caranya tuh?)

What should you do with your life?
. nocturne no. 8 in d flat major op. 27 - chopin.
(maksudnyaaaa???)

Will you ever have children?
. hospital - the used.
(maksudnya bakal ngelahirin di rumah sakit gitu ya??)

keisengan berbuah petaka

so one night i couldn't sleep.
dan gue bingung mau ngapain lagi, akhirnya iseng bikin facebook..
hoo.. looks interesting. banyak yang bisa dimaenin.

tapiiii.. abis itu sampe skarang, stiap buka facebook tu lemot...
ribet buat manusia yang ga bisa konsen ke banyak2 hal macem gue..
pusingggg..
arrrrgggghhhh..
bikin emosi..

trus banyak temen yang jadi nanyain, "add gue dong!"
"sering di update dong!"
"ini itu dong!"
arrrgggghhh.. don't you know i'm trying, people??

why did you do this to me, facebook? why???

across the universe

a few days ago, i watched an episode of Oprah (berhubung ga ada lagi tontonan lain yang bagus).
nah pas episode yang gue tonton itu lagi promosiin film Across The Universe.

film ini musical, dan storyline-nya terinspirasi lagu2 the Beatles, jadi kayak lagu2nya the Beatles digabungin jadi cerita film.
sounds interesting.

dan salah satu pemerannya Jim Sturgess, yang main di film 21 yang waktu itu gue review juga. hehehe.
di episode Oprah itu beberapa pemeran filmnya (termasuk si Jim Sturgess) nyanyiin beberapa lagu Beatles yang dipake difilmnya secara medley.
not bad loh..
kalo dipikir sih yaa namanya musical, pasti harus bisa nyanyi lah ya..



ada yang tau ni film bisa dicari dvd-nya dimana? =)


ohya, review yang ketinggalan: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.
duh lupa nonton ni film hari apa, pokoknya minggu kemaren tapi lupa nge-post tentang ini. hehehe.
a lot of my friends have mixed reviews about this..
ada yang bilang bagus dan seru, ada juga yang bilang jelek.
gue sendiri sih.. yaaa boleh lah.
setaraf X-Files, 3,5 stars out of 5..




i actually kinda like filmnya yang pertama sama yang kedua..
yang ini, well.. gimana ya..
agak aneh, Brendan Fraser kok keliatan terlalu muda buat punya anak seumur segitu ya? hehe.