two g's, two d's and an a

most excruciating feelings ever:

guilt
when you know you've done something wrong, but can't do anything about it.

grief
when you lose something or someone you love so dearly, but can't do anything about it.

depression
when a big, powerful, black hole eat you up from the insides, but you can't do anything about it.

despair
when you feel your whole world crumble into pieces around you, but you can't do anything about it.

anger
when a fiesty fire burns you from the insides, but you don't know where to escape the excruciating heat.


life works in a very odd and unpredictable mechanism.
no one will truly understand where they're going or what's going to happen, no matter how carefully taken or thoroughly thought or planned our steps in life are.
though many people say that life is unfair, i still do think God is fair. life is fair.

no matter how good a person you try to be, bad things still come and do happen to you.
no matter how bad or evil a person you are, good things also happen to you anyways.
so life is fair. everybody gets the same piece of pie.
what happens is, maybe not everybody likes the flavor of the pie.
maybe some just eat half.
maybe some aren't satisfied enough and take another slice of pie.
maybe some don't eat it at all.
but you still get and deserve that piece of pie, whether you want it or not.
you didn't choose to be born and be alive, did you? but you still got life.

now, my piece of pie feels sour. bitter.
that happens whenever one or more of those two g's, two d's and an a show up.

which one of it is what i encountered with these past few horrible days?
you can take a guess.

not that i would tell the answer. ;)