this is probably really really late, but i have moved to
daz(zl)ed
feel free to come over :)

an everlasting obsession

as you may already know, one of my life goals is to have every single book in the Baby-sitters Club series.

what?
what do you mean you don't know that series?
did you live under a rock during the 1990's?

because i'm too lazy to explain what they're all about, and there's hundreds of the books in the series, you can easily google it if you don't know the awesomeness that is BSC (that's short for Baby-sitters Club, in case you can't figure that out).

i am pleased to say that there's a new BSC book coming out, after the series supposedly ended in 2000 (which i still haven't found the last book anywhere!). this new book is a prequel (i can't seem to understand why prequels are all the rage now), and it's called the Summer Before.

since sadly, as my brother informed me, Amazon.com doesn't send books to Indonesia (what's up with that, Amazon? i am heartbroken), i have lost all hope in completing my BSC collection.
when i get lucky, i sometimes could find a couple used ones when i hunt for books in Singapore, but that rarely happens.
and so, you can imagine my delight when the announcement of the prequel coming out, plus the reprinting of series.

plus, my brother said he's going to try and order some books from Amazon to be sent to Japan, where he currently lives, and he said i could order books from him.

i'm compiling my list.

why i will never be a neurosurgeon, or psychiatrist, or...

you have been warned. this will not be pretty, as i find myself more things to rant about in this blog than to cheer for.

so. here i am in the middle of med school and not knowing what to do with my life.
seriously.
when all of my friends are excitedly planning about which hospital they want to co-ass in, because this hospital is (allegedly) more high-pressure, because that hospital (allegedly) teaches you good skills more and so on, i am just interested in which hospital is the most laid-back, therefore makes my top choices to co-ass in.

i just don't see the point in honing my clinical skills much more since i don't, and never had, plan to be a practicing physician.
really, i could assure you that overall, i don't have decent math skills. if you really knew me, you would never trust me to count how much medicine you'd have to take for your life-threatening disease.

this world would surely be a better place without having me as a, say, neurosurgeon. based on the C i got in neurology, i'm pretty sure my lecturers agree with me. (for those of you questioning my intellectual capacities of being in med school in the first place, i can assure you that a C is the worst grade i ever got, in ANYTHING. except that D i got in seventh grade on Sundanese language. but whatever.)

the thing is, i don't know what i'm good at.
i'm not able to decide whether i would be good as an internist, or gynecologist, or whatever. and since something you are good at is called your 'talent', then i don't know what my talent is.

i may have posted something like this before but whatever.

and so you ask, well if you can't figure out what specialization of doctors you would be good at, why not be a general practicioner?
well, judging as how i would not be able to correctly measure out your medicine, i am sure the whole practicing thing is out for me.

at one point, i thought being a surgeon would be neat. except a neurosurgeon, of course, because of that C i got. but then i thought about having to go out of the super cool operating room and meet the patient's family and friends and say, "i did this and that but i'm sorry to say that he/she passed away." and watch all of them cry in front of me.

i think i would stab myself in the eye with my scalpel.

so, i decided many more people are more emotionally capable of being a surgeon than i am. and that the reason why i ever thought being a surgeon was neat is because i watch too many medical dramas on TV.

at another point, i thought being a psychiatrist would also be neat. this is because i love reading (and watching) about all those supposedly rare psychological cases that cause people to do crazy things. but then i think of the calm and empathy i have to project towards my patients, even when they may be cheating husbands who killed their kids or something like that, being a psychiatrist suddenly doesn't sound so neat.

so really i do still prefer to be a forensic medical doctor, who's job is to mainly find out how people die. dead people are much more tolerant to whatever mistake you might do to their body, for example living people would very much object to you lifting out their lungs to measure it whereas dead people would not sue you for it.

i can't see why people reject autopsies because they feel it is disrespectful to the dead. i mean, they're dead. they have no more petty problems like having killers roam the streets we live on. and by having autopsies on them we can possibly find those killers, if they happen to be killed by the killers, and put them behind bars where they belong so little kids can happily play safely outside their house.

anyways.
yeah, about the forensic thing. still my dream.
don't know if i'll be good in that either but at least it's better than the previous choices i wrote. plus i read a lot of crime and mystery books and i love them, so that should account for something.

ah, what a turning revelation in my planning for future careers.
this post has earned a new label: med school mellows.

back?

so.. am i back to blogging?
i'm so moody, i have no clue.

so what really made me come back to this sad, old, abandoned blog?

i have been told recently that i need to let out more emotions, so here i am.
and anyone who says this isn't letting out emotions can shut up.
anyways.
this post will be a jumble of things that are not connected to each other.

first up, things i see on the road on a daily basis that i do not understand.
smashing title.

1. when the left side of the road is empty, why do people on motorcycles still calmly ride in the middle of the road? are they ASKING to be crashed by the cars behind them? *grumble grumble*

2. when a couple rides a motorcycle with a little kid squashed in the middle or front, most of the time i see the couple wearing helmets but none on the kid. what's up with that? if they crash, the 'parents' or whatever could walk away without a concussion, but then the kid gets brain damage. sorry, i just don't get it.

3. a car (so it's not all motorcycles) opens up a window and then throws trash out to the road. what, you can afford a car but you can't afford a little trash can in it? or, can't you just collect the trash and wait a bit to dispose properly when you arrive at wherever you're going? imagine if a hundred people do this a day. hello, flood.

4. a couple rides a motorcycle and it's raining. the guy wears a raincoat and the girl doesn't! she's soaking wet! and it's most likely a couple because the girl clings the guy romantically from behind. i'm sorry but i cannot see the romance in this. my boyfriend would never let me walk out in the rain without an umbrella, let alone be soaked on a motorcycle. with HIM driving (or whatever you call it on a motorcycle) nonetheless.

ah. well.
i'm hungry now so toodles!

what friends are for

well, ga kerasa udah 3 tahun kuliah, never thought that things could change a lot in 3 years.
khususnya di departemen pertemanan.

dari awalll banget kuliah, gue punya sekelompok temen deket yang selalu bareng2.
seiring berjalannya waktu sampe akhirnya di tahun ketiga ini, banyak yang berubah di kelompok ini.
ada yang dateng, ada yang pergi, ada yang udah pergi tapi balik lagi, dll.

gue merasa teman2 ini lah yang bakal bertahan, suka ato ga, karna mau ga mau kita bakalan satu profesi. kita akan terikat dengan pekerjaan yang sama sampai tua nanti. kita akan saling membutuhkan pendapat yang lain kalo ketemu kasus yang butuh second opinion.
jadi, gue jaga hubungan baik sebisa mungkin. i always try to be nice.

but then, pelan2, muncul sifat asli masing2.
ada yang berubah jd lebih baik, ada yang stagnan sifatnya begitu2 aja.

belakangan ini, pelan-pelan kebersamaan dlm kelompok ini jadi berubah dibanding tahun2 pertama kuliah..
banyak yang sibuk sama kegiatan masing2 yang udah beda2,
ada yang konflik sama temen dlm kelompok ini juga,
ada yang baru gabung,
ada yang pisah,
dll.

but personally, i don't think that it's a bad thing.
justru waktu yang udah lewat ini, dengan berbagai persoalan yang ada, nunjukkin mana yang bener2 teman dan mana yang, well, temen juga sih judulnya, tapi ikatan emosionalnya ga seberapa dalam.
we were all giggly teenagers when we met, and we've all grown up now, jadi seiring tambah dewasa pasti kepribadian kita juga ikut berubah, yang pengaruh ke hubungan kita sama orang lain, apalagi temen.

jujur, gue merasa masih ada temen2 yang berteman masih sama aja kayak dulu waktu sekolah, mau udah kuliah 3 tahun juga.
kalo ada konflik, ngajak2 orang lain buat ikut musuhin.
kalo temen punya konflik sama orang lain, ngompor2in temen itu buat makin musuhan.
kalo ada masalah, kurang bisa milah2 mana yang emang harus diperkarakan dan mana yang harus dilepas aja.
and i'm fed up with that.

apa teman itu cuma orang buat have fun bareng, dan kalo orang itu udah ga bikin fun, ya ga jadi temen?
buat gue, bukan itu artinya.

and so, to avoid all the drama that has happened, i came up with a simple rule for myself.
selama seorang 'teman' ga punya masalah secara pribadi sama gue, i will always stay nice.
i will always help as i can if they need me.
meskipun orang itu musuhan sama temen gue yang lain.
meskipun orang2 bilang temen gue itu bermasalah, bilang gue untuk jauhin dia, dsb.
selama dia ga buat masalah ke gue secara langsung, gue akan berbuat yang sama.
fair-fair-an aja.

if all else fails, yang penting gue tau yang mana yang bener2 temen gue.
and they know who they are.

what friends are for, for me, is an extension of your family.
people who will accept you and help you back up again, how badly you've acted to them or fell.
people who doesn't think of what they can get back by helping you.
people who stand by you but still keeps you in line.
yang lain dari itu, well, they're still called friends.
like in families, it doesn't mean you have to like each and every one of your family members all the time.
sama, walau namanya temen, it doesn't mean you have to like each and every one of them all the time.
liking them most of the time is good enough to be friends for me.

what do friends mean to you?

a cat called Maru

i realized that even though i haven't updated my blog that much, i still love reading other people's blogs, so this is my attempt to keep this blogging thing up and running.

because i am a boring person, and therefore have nothing interesting to talk about, i will talk about another being, a more interesting one.
a cat, to be exact. (i didn't mean that to rhyme, really.)

my family has a cat. a fat, gray, one we named Maru, which is japanese for 'round'. because he looked like a cute cotton ball when he was an itsy, bitsy kitten.
we got him from my cousin's boyfriend, when he was only 2 months old.
now he's about 7 months old, i can't really remember, but he's bigger and fatter than a 1,5 year old cat.

he struts around the house like he owns us all, which i guess in a way he really does, because despite all the annoying things he's done (like, peeing all over the place), we still love him. most of the time.

here's an example of how Maru acts when i confront him of his disturbing doings.

"ugh, these humans! i just can't stand them!"
(shakes head in frustration)

"what now, stupid human?
how dare you stand like that in front of me!
bow to my greatness!"

"good, human. much better.
now, what is it that you want?
a treat for me, i assume?
no? you're asking me if i peed on that pillow?
hmmm.. let me think about it."

"obviously i am of complete innocence.
maybe YOU are the one who peed on that pillow.
i'm bored now, go away.
stupid human."

you can see, arrogant he may be, we cannot help but fall weakly to his amazing power of cuteness.
i have a lot of weird stories about Maru, more to come.
i have to post this before he finds out and then i'll have to give him kitty massages in slavery for the rest of my life.

a lot of junk in the trunk

i haven't written anything in this blog for so long!!
i know, i'm such a lazy bum.
i actually do have a whole lot of things to write, but i'm currently in exams week, so this'll have to wait a couple more days.
i'll see you really really soon! i promise!